Save the Empty

Whenever I get in one of my upset moods and someone asks me if I'm okay, or what's wrong, this is what I want to show them:

"She waited all night for the tears to come;
Pictures of silence falling apart in her head.
The chaotic night unfolded behind closed eyes
And inside the bitter sheets her heart turned cold.

Their words were not what killed her.
Not their lies, nor their taunts.
Not in their misplaced gestures;
Not in their icy hearts.

No, the murder weapon chosen to rip away her soul
Were in the eyes of those she prized the most.

Fires didn’t burn there, not of hate or of fervor.
Cold deception never crept in, nothing of the sort.
Instead their dead gazes seemed to rest everywhere,
Except on her own dying frame.

Sluggishly, they passed without notice,
Speaking in a foreign tongue.
A language she’d forgotten long ago,
Before the days had merged with night.

At first she ran after the benumbed,
Begging to be seen,
Nails tearing into their arms as she grasped them,
Desperation permeating every thought.

But they retreated; and she ripped out her locks and clawed at her face in agony,
No one there to see.

She sat with the others,
Silently waiting for a turn of the head,
Someone to admire the monstrous face she had created.
But they stared at each other without feeling.

She screamed her own fretful pleas,
Words falling on tragic, deaf ears,
Until all that remained were bleeding whispers,
That slowly turned to quiet.

She cut out her tongue,
With no one to hear her beautiful words.

Into her solitude, she slipped,
Letting miserable visions and thoughts numb her own mind,
Left alone in the most complex of simplicities-
To fight the will to live.

She imagined an angel standing at the door
Though no pearl gate would let him through with her blood on his hands.
Raising a feeble arm she beckoned him to come,
To let his stained wings touch her for a moment.

He moved to her bedside without a word,
Leaving gory footprints to mark his path.
She raised her head to watch him.
But the sight nearly brought her tearless eyes to life.

Morbid coal had replaced the eyes of the wretched angel ,
And his lips stayed twisted in a mangled smile.
Gradually he pulled a tainted knife from his wings,
Never moving his heartbreaking face.

For a moment she felt a stir of joy in her chest,
At last he would put her toil to rest.
But he placed the blade on the sweat-stained sheets,
And slowly waited for the temptation to overwhelm.

The passionless love that had faded so long ago
Failed to persuade her to life
Existing only as empty memories
Of forgotten hands and biting sighs.

His meaningless smile stayed engrained
Until the gesture seemed to haunt.
The black eyes looked past her,
This moment of no consequence to the terrible, blighted angel.

So slowly, numbly she carved out her heart,
Bled out her soul,
Killed the love that had ceased to exist,
And died in the watch of her protector, her heart lying in front of him.

Retreating from his spot,
He left the dead to bury its own."

So yeah, this whole weekend has been really good and really bad.

I bet not one of them could have seen through the lie =/ I really cried for the first time in a long time.

Here is the quote, from Love, Save the Empty- Erin McCarley

"Sad boy, you stare up at the sky when no one's looking back at you. You wear your every last disguise; you're flying, then you fall through. Again, the false affection. Again, you're breaking inside. Love save the empty."