So this week has been a long, confusing one. I've been happy, livid, upset, crazy, everything. But last night it all kind of settled into regret or remorse or something like that. So I started writing apologies to people. I wish I could just tell them. But something always gets in the way. So here you go: Apologies from My Heart.
1. I’m sorry that it’s taken this long for us to be friends again. I’m sorry that my anger and frustration got in the way of something really good. I’m sorry that I judged you and wasn’t supportive when you needed me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to be there for you. I’m happy that you have found your way independent of me, and that you were able make those decisions that I should have been there to help you make. I love you and I’m sorry.
2. I’m sorry that you haven’t found the happiness you wanted. I’m sorry that you’ve lost so much. I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to help you, because I don’t know how to. I want so much for you to have the things that you deserve, and I’m sorry that you aren’t getting them. I’m sorry that we don’t talk like we used to.
3. I’m sorry that we don’t talk anymore. I’m sorry that you don’t know how proud I am of you. But I am. I’m sorry that you’re not at home where you should be. I’m sorry that I was upset with you for so long. I’m sorry that silly things made us grow apart. I’m sorry that I don’t call like I should, to tell you I miss you. But I do miss you.
4. I'm sorry that I haven't known you guys like I should have. I should have been there and called more, and I hate that I haven't. I'm sorry for any sadness you've felt because of me. I'm going to do better. I’m sorry for the missed birthdays and holidays. I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I’m sorry that we aren’t closer and I’m sorry that we’re all such strangers now. I love you all though, with every bit of my heart. I’m sorry that things have grown to be the way they are now; I didn’t ever want it to happen.
5. I’m sorry that I haven’t been a better example for you. I’m sorry that I never helped you understand the lines. I’m sorry that I don’t spend more time with you, but I’m going to change that. I’m sorry that sometimes I’m too hard on you and act like your mother. I’m sorry that you’re in the same situation that I was in. I hate that I can see what’s coming, and I’m sorry that it has to happen. I’m sorry that I didn’t prevent it. I’m sorry that you love him so much.
6. I’m sorry that I don’t know what I want, and I’m sorry I hurt you in the process of that. I hate that I led you on, because you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry that I had to involve you again. You are such a good person; you didn’t need me. I’m sorry that I can’t feel the same way for whatever reason. I’m sorry that things couldn’t be different. I wish they were.
7. I’m sorry that I dislike you so much. Just kidding, I’m really not sorry.
8. I’m sorry that we’ve ended up the way we have. I’m sorry that seeing you makes me sad, and angry. I’m sorry that I want to slap you about 95% of the time. I’m sorry that we don’t really talk anymore. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you or made you feel bad. I’m sorry that I lost such a good friend. I’m sorry that I still wish we were friends. But most of all, I’m sorry that you probably feel sorry for me.
9. I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you. I’m sorry that I haven’t done all of the things that I should. I’m sorry that I haven’t earned all of the love, grace, and forgiveness you’ve given me. I’m sorry that I’ve been scared instead of bold. I’m sorry that I haven’t lived up to the person you deserve.
10. I’m sorry that I’ve been distant.
But more than anything, I'm sorry that I have these apologies. I wish that they weren't so present in my life.
Anyway, thats enough of that. One of Mommy's old friends reminded me about this song I used to love, its Midnight in Montgomery- Alan Jackson. and the picture is from Nico1.
"Feel that lonesome chill."
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